I’ve learned from society, school and family members that following my head is the right way. I also learned that I shouldn’t trust my intuition. As an adult I know that trusting my intuition works so much better for me than listening to my head. But I still notice that I’m following my head quite regularly. It’s a conditioned response. All of the wonderful stuff that is inside me comes out when I trust my intuition. So when I notice myself following my head again, it feels like self-sabotaging. But I would be too hard on myself to blame myself for it.
Pushing and pulling
I was pushing and pulling myself the last couple of months to take leaps. I did it in the name of ‘making myself fully able to give my gift’ and having to take leaps to get there. The last days, my little self (as I call her) was protesting quite loudly against this. So I asked her what’s going on. She told me she is so tired of all that tearing, she just wants to be and do things in her own rhythm. But the last couple of months I was telling her she had to get out of her comfort zone, to expand, to jump, and that ‘Yes, you can do it!’. But saying this to my little self, I was actually saying she’s not enough as she is. Just as society was telling me when I was a kid: You should push and pull yourself, go fast, act now. If you don’t, you’re not enough.
Jump from the diving board
It reminds me of a time when I was a child standing on the highest diving board in the swimming pool. My best friend was with me, we were both scared and we both wanted to jump. If someone would have said I should stop whining and jump, or if someone would’ve literally pushed me, I would be so mad and hurt. I’m not that kind of person. I have to do these things it in my own time and in my own way. And when I get that space, I will do the scary things.
Trust your intuition
When listening to my intuition, she says I it’s totally okay to be ‘little me’. To take your time and space to do things your way. It takes practice to trust your intuition and that’s fine. Every time you’re standing on that diving board, give yourself space and time to do things your way. Practice not letting yourself be pushed and pulled. Not by others and not by your own head.